Hi, my name is Peter Parker. You've probably seen me played by that shit actor Tobey Maguire in the movie Spiderman, which I'm sure you hated. The bastard made me look like a nerd whose idea of a hottie is Chucky-face-having Kirsten Dunst.
Take a look at the girl to your right... Yes, her. Done jerking off now? Good. Now, to your left. I know what you're thinking, but no, the witch from Attila the Hun didn't come back to life. You should all get my point now.
Anyways, I'm the actual Spiderman; your friendly neighbourhood Superhero. If I don't succeed at that, I'll become a web developer instead (See what I - never mind). I'm supposed to give you an idea of what's it like in my daily life, huh? Good, cause LAST NIGHT I saved a woman whose purse got stolen.
Actually, the purse was floating away by itself and I couldn't see anyone. All I sensed was the smell of shit, for some odd reason. That was when I figured it out! *shocks*
"Baba Suwe!" I called.
The purse stopped at once and did a 360. And then I saw some teeth. It was him.
"Stay out of this, Spiderman!" he yelled. "The NDLEA won't pay me, so I'm taking matters into my own hands."
I spotted a copy of Family Matters in his other hand, and then we both laughed. I commended his sense of humour.
"You give a whole new meaning to the term Black Ops," I said, and we laughed again. "Why do you smell of faeces?"
"When they held me up at the station, my asshole was widened so much I crap when I don't even notice. This is revenge for what they did to me!" he yelled.
"Clearly, you are the worst kind of supervillain. You give shit to the rest of the world!" I brought out a large vacuum cleaner I usually carry around, and pointed at him. "DIE!". Dumpling after dumpling, our friend Baba Suwe got sucked inside.
See, when you're full of shit and that all gets taken away, you turn pale, hence the picture right there. I personally feel the NDLEA should pay the dude his compensation or he might pull a Balthazer Blake and come out of the vacuum cleaner, and start shitting on you all in no time.
I'm sure the other superheroes have some epic tales to share with you. That's all for me tonight. The Tale of the Black Supervillain.
