Tony Salazar

So hey, it's your friendly neighborhood superhero Peter Parker. Figured I'd take 5 minutes off of my busy superhero schedule to gist y'all in the matrix the horror that went down today. You'll like this one. But before I begin though, I feel a disclaimer need be issued; this isn't the usual Justice League blogpost, it's violent. Very. Although the comedic theme remains unchanged, like a Muslim enforcing his lifestyle to his properties; fasten your seat-belts, your kids might not want to see this one.

I use a mattress my grandparents - Yao Ming & Wong - usually slept on. My Granddad's part of the foam is forever covered in sweat and um... needless to say, I woke up on the wong side of the bed this morning. Grumpy, I turn on the laptop to check Spider-man's Facebook page. There's 6 million likes so far (Up yours, Avengers!)and a NEW message from my very own stalker - Tony Salazar. It reads:

       "You haven't replied any of my 400 messages, I hope you've had a chance. I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans.
        I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan. I even got them underground shit that you did with Von. 
Anyway, hit me back or I WILL slit my wrists or harm someone you know. My pizza shop is just down the street. I love you. Bye."

The message was instinctively ignored. I can't front, the threat did freak me out a little bit. Hella psychotic. Dude has had an unnatural crush on me, AND why his shop down the street was mentioned is beyond me... I don't swing that way.

I check my news feed afterwards; see Batman's update on an Alomo Bitters drink, and an update from Mary Jane <3, my true heart. But something fishy catches my eye!
Her status: "Won a free pizza from a Salazar shop! Getting it free home delivered just like that! Yay me!"
Lucky her, I thought, wish I had some free pizza myself. But wait. Free home pizza? Salazar pizza shop? It took a second; Salazar! Tony Salazar's pizza shop. Was this him trying to do something to hurt Mary Jane?

Instantly I dash into the wardrobe, toward my costume and start wearing em. Within a minute Spider-man comes out of the closet (Fabulous *gay hand gesture*). I hoped I could get to Mary Jane in time before Tony beat me to it.

I jumped out the window, speedily swinging toward her place. What exactly is Tony planing here? Why is he going after her? If anything ever happened to Mary Jane...

I land in front of her home a minute later, making sure nobody saw me, and pushed my way in. There were broken furniture all over the place, like a terribly hurricane occurred in here. I called her name 3 times - no one answered. And then I saw it. On the floor. Two fingers placed beside each other, covered in a pool of blood in front of me. It was almost unreal. I took a step forward to examine them, they were feminine. Someone had placed them there.

"Spider-man!"

I spun round to see who had called. Standing by the doorway was a man in range clothes, tall and pale. His face was scarred and hair was folded into a ponytail. He gripped a gun in his right hand, pointing at the two girls sitting and tied securely to a chair beside him. Mary Jane and Lisa Eldon (her flatmate). Needless to say I was shocked as fuck, who the hell grows a ponytail?

"Let them go!" I instructed.

"Let them go?" Tony mouthed, and busted out roaring in laughter. Lisa and Mary Jane joined him soon after, exchanging a what-the-fuck face. Lol, it was a long shot, I know. I see it in movies, leave me alone.

"So I would go through all this trouble breaking in, destroying the furniture, cutting off Lisa's fingers and tying em to a rocking chair JUST so I would let em go when you say so," Tony said. "Lemme show you just how serious this is."

BANG! Lisa's dead body dropped to the floor. He had killed her instantly.

"What the hell bro?" I exclaimed. "What do you want?"

He replied, "I'm a stalker, I dunno what I want. Look what you made me do to Lisa. How's Mary Jane gonna live with herself now..."

I paused. Then chuckled. I liked his sense of humour.

He took out a smoke bomb from his pocket. "Until we meet again, Spider-man!" He smashed it on the floor and a second after, smoke filled the air. He was gone. I untied Mary Jane quickly and asked how she was doing. Tony Salazar was gone... but not for long.