On this beautiful afternoon, I was in the toilet at work,
sitting down, doing my business when my boss walked in and said,
"Shouldn't you be doing that on your desk?"
I grinned and packed all the documents resting on my laps. Stupid idea to have put them on my laps really, there was plenty sauce on it and the chicken wings. I quickly walked out and headed to my desk to do what my boss told me to. He’s always on my back! I guess it’s my fault for liking to carry people. I told him to get off then I sat back on my chair. My watch said it was 5pm and as I heard its voice, I knew I needed to cut back on the LSD.
Suddenly, my boss walked up to my desk, looking angry. He slammed his hands on my table and said, "In my office. Now!"
I said, "Alright, you carry that end and I’ll carry this one."
As we both lifted it into his office, he sat down and said, "There have been some complaints from your colleagues that you’ve been looking at half naked women in your emails."
"Honestly, sir," I said. "I don't think they like me!"
"Why do you think so?"
"Every other subscriber got full nudes,” I replied.
I doubt he understood my grief, because an hour later, security was escorting me out of the building. This is the second time I’ve lost a job. The first time, I was friends with Apple’s former CEO. Anyone watching the security walk me out of the office would think they were about to burn me alive for my incompetence. Of course, they weren’t. This wasn’t 1800’s Rome; I chuckled to myself as I walked out into 1810’s Spain. I stood by the road and waited for a taxi to drive-by. Can’t blame me really; I was so depressed I wanted a gang taxi to shoot me down. After a while, one stopped beside me and asked me where I was going.
I said, “Relax, this isn’t real! I’ve been on too many magic mushrooms, because there is no way a number can talk.” So I kept quiet and waited till the number one disappeared. An actual taxi finally came by... and guess who was in the driver's seat... Christian Bale!
"Shouldn't you be doing that on your desk?"
I grinned and packed all the documents resting on my laps. Stupid idea to have put them on my laps really, there was plenty sauce on it and the chicken wings. I quickly walked out and headed to my desk to do what my boss told me to. He’s always on my back! I guess it’s my fault for liking to carry people. I told him to get off then I sat back on my chair. My watch said it was 5pm and as I heard its voice, I knew I needed to cut back on the LSD.
Suddenly, my boss walked up to my desk, looking angry. He slammed his hands on my table and said, "In my office. Now!"
I said, "Alright, you carry that end and I’ll carry this one."
As we both lifted it into his office, he sat down and said, "There have been some complaints from your colleagues that you’ve been looking at half naked women in your emails."
"Honestly, sir," I said. "I don't think they like me!"
"Why do you think so?"
"Every other subscriber got full nudes,” I replied.
I doubt he understood my grief, because an hour later, security was escorting me out of the building. This is the second time I’ve lost a job. The first time, I was friends with Apple’s former CEO. Anyone watching the security walk me out of the office would think they were about to burn me alive for my incompetence. Of course, they weren’t. This wasn’t 1800’s Rome; I chuckled to myself as I walked out into 1810’s Spain. I stood by the road and waited for a taxi to drive-by. Can’t blame me really; I was so depressed I wanted a gang taxi to shoot me down. After a while, one stopped beside me and asked me where I was going.
I said, “Relax, this isn’t real! I’ve been on too many magic mushrooms, because there is no way a number can talk.” So I kept quiet and waited till the number one disappeared. An actual taxi finally came by... and guess who was in the driver's seat... Christian Bale!
I never knew he was Christian. I sha wanted to ask him if he has decided to go to Real Madrid or stay at Tottenham, but I refrained. He said Batman ordered him to bring me to the Batcave and thinks I’d fit well in the Justice League. So yeah, this is my story – I’m their newest member. What are my powers? We’d get on with that in subsequent posts, mate, cheers
